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The Great Sculptor and Those Who Ride Pigs
The Great Sculptor picked the World up from his desk and surveyed his creation. His many minions were relatively happy in their lives, going about the green and pleasant lands he had lovingly crafted for them. He watched mothers call in children for supper that bubbled away in their wooden huts. He saw men gathered, discussing the news of the day and what furs and minerals they had to trade. He was pleased with what he saw, but he wanted to give them all a gift.
It would be a gift so precious and beautiful that all would flock to him to be bestowed with his grace. He would create for them a gift that would touch the lives of all and be spoken of through generations with awed tones.
He would create a pig that they could ride.
With tool and toil, green stuff and a few swear words, he created a rideable pig. And it was good. Well, it wasn't great; in fact it looked a lot like a Mincraft derpy pig.
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| Copyright Minecraft and also the Association of Herp Derp. All rights rederped. |
But the people loved it. They thought it was innovative and fun. Even though it wasn't the simplest thing to learn how to do, it was rewarding and men would now gather to excitedly discuss their latest pig rides. People loved the control of the card-based manner of riding; much preferable to the previously ridden Dice Tigers (who, whilst exciting, had a tendency to bite both the rider and the rider's best laid tactics in the ass).
People also loved the pig's character-based skirmish storyline.
The Great Sculptor beamed with pride at his works. Over time, he made subtle improvements to his work, introducing features such as curves, a saddle and Avatars. People rejoiced and praised and the pig was hailed successful. But the Sculptor was troubled. For, despite his tweaks and adjustments, he saw problems with his creation.
The difficulty of riding the pig was putting off some. Also, some pigs were markedly better than other pigs and people would tend to use the same pigs and tactics at tourneys. Also, as the pig had little legs, people had to fit in with the pigs system rather than the pig fitting around them, which could be stifling and uncomfortable.
The Great Sculptor wept and lamented, and then he was inspired.
He would recreate the pig and address all the issues that he saw. He would create a horse.
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| My time to shine!!! |
And how they wept and lamented! They did not want the horse! They had lost faith in the Great Sculptor and doubted his intentions. They were so accustomed to the pigs that this horse creature confused and frightened them.
"We do not want your updated horse, we are perfectly happy with the pig thank you very much. You're just trying to dumb it down and take away everything that we love about it."
"What!?" spluttered the Sculptor. "I would never! I created the original! I think I know what I'm doing! Trust me, this new model addresses all the problems with the old one!"
"We don't care. We have learned to live with these problems. In fact Stuart still rides the original derpy pigs with none of your 'Aviator' updates and what-not. He's a purist."
Stuart stroked his neck beard and nodded sagely before trotting off on his pig.
"Look, I don't understand," said the Great Sculptor. "I have worked hard to make a more balanced, immersing and accessible horse whilst still keeping the stories, characters and complexities that existing fans love. Look! It has long legs so it's more comfortable to ride!"
"We said, No. Thank. You."
The Great Sculptor drew an exasperated sigh and slumped to the ground. "Fine," he said.
"Why don't you all give me feedback on what you want and I'll try and do that?"
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| Presenting Pig P2E! |
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The moral of this story is missing. If you find it and it appears to have anything to do with Malifaux or the new edition please let me know because I'm sure I lost the thread halfway though. And feel free to tell your young children this story.
-Jack
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